apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
