Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize