I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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