so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
