alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
