Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
