Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
