is wine microwaveable?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
