I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
