Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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