I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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