Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
