I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
