I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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