everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
