how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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