i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
