Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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