I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
