She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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