I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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