If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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