He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
