I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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