Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
