someone threw a dead crab at me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
