24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
