why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
