now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
