I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just google imaged poop.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
