Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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