I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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