she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
