you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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