We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
