OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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