we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
