So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
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People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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