found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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