Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
