I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
