Plan B is the new Plan A
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
