shes about as inviting as chlamydia
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
