Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
