One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
