She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
