Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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