I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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