In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
