My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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