i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
