She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
