I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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