I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
