my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
