Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
