Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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