if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
