I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
