Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
