I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
