$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
