If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
