when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He kissed a someone with a penis
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
