A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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