there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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