I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
