Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
