I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
