I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
