What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
