i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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