My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
