Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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