she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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