those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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