i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
