Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize