if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
