Just cropdusted the office
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think people are normalizing furries
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
