She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
