Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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