Non-Jews are for practice
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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