Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have post one night stand depression
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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